The great part about lists is scratching things off. Actually, I like to highlight them with a yellow highlighter. There is a huge sense of accomplishment and pride attached to that sheet of paper. It’s a symbol that I was productive and therefore somehow good. This 48 things to do in my 48th year list isn’t really headed in that direction. This list is more a lesson in humility and acceptance – in other words, I’ll be lucky if I get half way through it.
This does not mean it has been a wasted exercise.
There are still lessons to learn. For one – I’m not good at sticking to regularly scheduled tasks, i.e. #10 do yoga twice a month, #12 watch one Oscar winning movie every month, #14 try a new vegetable every month, #15 write three pages a day for twelve weeks and #16 send 10 greeting cards every month. Even writing the “every month”, “every week”, “every day” phrases makes me cringe today. I feel boxed in, claustrophobic, like there is an elephant sitting on my chest. I know what was going on though. When I made the list I was hoping I could turn myself into that really organized person that has the extra super special Passion Planner with the complete ToDo list every day. At the end of the day the list is all checked off or moved to the following day. You know the person – the friend that has that calendar thing in the kitchen with big black sharpie X’s through each day. They also probably have a grocery shopping list that they carry around with them and maybe they even have clipped coupons and know that milk is cheaper at Price Chopper this week but that avocados are two for $1.29 at Hannaford. You know. THAT person. I always think that I want to be THAT person but I can never quite make it work. SO-the lesson is – I’m not going to try any more. I just can’t fit in that world no matter how much I admire those people and wish it was me. RESOLUTION – Next years list will not have multiple day/week/month commitments.
Exception to the rule – #26 – Meditate three times a week. It might need to be re-worded. Meditate. Just do it. Sometimes it seems hokey to talk about but this practice (no matter how regular or irregular) has changed my life. By meditating when I can, I am learning how to work with another muscle in my body – my brain. If my thoughts are in some negative neural pathway rut, I now have a better shot of noticing this and MAY be able to switch lanes. MAY being the key word in that sentence. My goal with this practice is to have a more peaceful state of being. Doesn’t that sound lovely? Peaceful State of Being. Sounds like sitting outside on a summer evening and listening to the wind blow and the peepers peep and feeling a nice warm breeze blow through the air. Wait, wait. That’s what I am doing right now. All that -with my laptop. Creating a Peaceful State of Being… AND being aware of it as it happens AND being grateful for each opportunity to do that. There’s no clear cut answer on how to find these moments, it’s just taking the time to find my bliss, be still and breathe. For the Peaceful State of Being reason alone, I will keep meditation as part of next year’s list – just maybe without the numerical qualifiers.
By the way, I don’t do this alone. Sometimes Punky likes to sit with me too… He’s LOVE on four legs
Other things that got ticked off the list.
#2- Paid off credit card. Boring. Responsible. CHECK.
#4 – Paint the house. Needed it. Got it done. CHECK
#9 – Watch Sunset from a Beach. Lake George and St. Petersburg. Thank You TINA BUELL. I’m actually going to say that we completed a week vacation at the beach #46 too. Even though it was only four or five days. It’s GE… Good
#11 – Color a Full Coloring Book. Killed it. Done.
#13 – Do a Ten Day Cleanse. Well I tried. I did four days or something like that. I’m really not that great with long term commitment. Hmmm. I might want to think about that.
#14 – Try new vegetable every month. I am going to call it as done as done can be. Even though I only tried three new vegetables. Brussel Sprouts, Pickled Ramps (supplied by the ever lovely Barbara Price – my new neighbor and local forager) and an artichoke. I think the avocado was last year.
This vegetable thing is a stretch. We literally grew up on hot dogs, Kraft macaroni and cheese and Spam. Mom isn’t a big veggie person so as close as we got was green beans out of a can. Maybe peas too. I’m giving myself a little bit of a pat on the back about this vegetable thing. I’ve stuck with eating brussel sprouts for the entire year and will probably continue to do so.
The tough thing about trying new vegetables is that you have to google them and figure out how to cook them and wonder if there is going to be a gag reflex when eating them. (Amazing… 48 years old not 12.)
Yay for me! Writing another blog post. And yes, I will hit submit again – without worrying if it is perfect or boring or if I have the right adjectives or adverbs or if anyone will actually read it. I will hit submit because I like to write and playing around with this blog thing makes me happy. PERIOD.